A cookie a day keeps the doctor away. Put down that cookie, Liz Lemon!
Oh Jenna. She cracks me up. No, seriously. She cracked some of my bones when I told her she shouldn’t go on the Live Show because she was too drunk. Or was she not drunk enough…? I don’t remember. It had something to do with alcohol and she went insane. If she wasn’t an actress, I would have sent her to a psychiatrist.
Ointments and Plastic Bags That Represent Your Death
Dr. Spaceman: All right, now that the popsicle’s melted we’ve got ourselves a tongue depressor.
Liz Lemon: I wanted you to look at these cold sores. I get them when I’m stressed out.
Dr. Spaceman: Ah they’re nothing to be ashamed of. I get them from prostitutes.
Liz Lemon: I just had a hard couple months. Work has been crazy and I went through a bad breakup and then there was this plastic bag that represented my death.
Dr. Spaceman: Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
Liz Lemon: Actually I was hoping you’d just have an ointment for my mouth.
Dr. Spaceman: Gross.
Liz Lemon: Cuz I’m dealing with the stress thing. Over the break I’m renting a cottage out in the Hamptons. There’s just four things I want to do this summer: be outdoors, wear shapeless clothing, do some mindless activity like gardening, and learn Spanish.
Dr. Spaceman: There are four things I want to do this summer, but they’re roommates so it’s tricky. All right, here’s a prescription for your cold sores and here’s a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren’t you wearing pants?
Say no more. If it’s giving people meat, then I’m on board. I’ve always said Humans need more animal blood. It keeps the spine straight.
Erectile dysfunction. It’s not just a dog problem anymore. It also affects millions of men. I’m “Doctor” Leo Spaceman. For too long, erectile dysfunction has been viewed as a physical problem, and it’s been treated with pills and ointments and contraptions whose straps break all too easily. But couldn’t the real cause of E.D. be that we haven’t produced a good “doing it” song since “Close The Door” by Teddy Pendergrass? That’s why I recorded an album.
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| — | Doctor Spaceman (http://www.30rockquotes.net) |
Um, I have ADHD, and I take Concerta for it. Is there a way to remove it?
AnonymousYou want to remove your ADHD or the Concerta? Oh well, it has the same answer. There’s no right answer to get rid of it. Here’s what you do. Get another person to scare you to death. That should clear out the ADHD and/or the Concerta.
Like I said. There’s no right way to do this. Use your imagination. My friend had this problem and was healed after seeing his mother…uhh…end of story. You don’t need to hear that.
Eh. What's up, Doc? *bites a carrot*
AnonymousBugs Bunny! I’m doing fine, other than having to stab that dog the other night. I thought you died of old age, since you know, you were created a long time ago.
Thumbs up on Doctor Pepper!
I don’t know where Tracy gets the idea of calling me “Doctor Spaceman” when it’s pronounced “Spe-che-men.” Please don’t butcher my name like I butchered that dog.
(0:00-0:30 & 1:48-2:09)(Source: IT Crowd: Season 1 Episode 6: Aunt Irma Visits)
Wow. Umm … this is a serious case …
This is called Aunt Irma, instead of the usual Aunt Flow that we’re all familiar with. Symptoms include bipolaredness, raging hormones, diabetes, and breast tenderness. Serious symptoms include demon possession, which can be seen when: hair color changes and voice deepens. Men are also at risk of getting a visit from Aunt Irma after prolonged exposure. Prolonged exposure can be as little as two minutes. Some have claimed that Aunt Irma has spread worldwide in as little as a few hours.
Uh-oh. I hope Liz Lemon doesn’t have a case of Aunt Irma. She has an appointment tomorrow and I don’t have enough man-power to stop a case like this. I’m going to need a cage, a taser, and some … how do you say that? A-NEST-HESI-A?
I am Captain King the Pirate WIZARD, but my friend seems to think I am a magician. Do you have medicine for stupidity or blindness, maybe even one for being deaf who knows. I have tried the two finger slap, but iy doesn't work anymore.
AnonymousI’ve heard about the 2-finger slap. Those usually are the cure for stupidity, unless the cure is unnecessary. Double the dose, like a 4-finger slap. If that doesn’t work, I suggest proving that you are a wizard to your friend, or give your friend, what I like to call, some “Happy Star Plant!” and create your own magic show. He’ll believe anything you tell him when he’s high on life.
Captain King the Pirate WIZARD? Have we met? Your name sounds very familiar.
Hello Pirates! I see you’re running out of medical supplies. Would you like me to send you some blue or red pills right away? I also have purple pills that just came in from Franistan.
Pills? Taking a pill is like washing the pike tube with a bucket of water….
Got it. I’ll send 200 cases of band-aids right away. It’ll be a mix of regular and hello-kitty brands. Sorry about that. Judging from my calculations in this calculator, you owe me … what number is that? And it’s flashing again! This is the same number my last patient had to pay me. What a coincidence!
I’ll be waiting for your payment soon, if you or anyone else can figure out that number letter issue. I think that E may stand for “economical.”
What a shame, it seems as though a Space Pirate ship has stolen the bandages.
My Hello Kitty band-aids! You’ve been a bad patient. No stickers or lollipop for you!
